Men vs Women
Solar vs Lunar - Exploring Desire and Pleasure
Disclaimer: I honour the beautiful diversity of gender identities and expressions. For the purposes of this publication, the terms 'men' and 'women' will refer to those assigned male or female at birth (AMAB/AFAB) to align with the context of hormonal cycles and anatomy. This is not intended to exclude or invalidate anyone’s experience - all identities and bodies are warmly welcomed here at The Heart of Pleasure.
For as long as anyone can remember, people have been trying to figure out the differences between men’s and women’s desire. From ancient times right through to the 90s bestseller Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus, there’s been this ongoing fascination with how we experience pleasure - and a whole lot of assumptions mixed in too.
In the 60s, researchers Masters and Johnson set out to map exactly how our bodies respond to arousal and orgasm, giving us one of the first "official" models of human sexuality. It was ground-breaking at the time, but - surprise, surprise - it was also pretty male-centric. It treated desire like a simple, linear process: you get turned on, you have sex, you orgasm, you’re done.
But what if we stopped trying to fit everyone into the same model and started looking at desire through a more natural, cyclical lens?
This is where the idea of the solar cycle and lunar cycle comes in - a framework that helps explain why desire, energy, and pleasure can feel so different depending on whether you live in a body with a more consistent hormonal rhythm (often associated with men) or one that ebbs and flows throughout the month (often associated with women).
Male hormones - particularly testosterone - follow a solar cycle. Testosterone rises with the sun first thing in the morning and gradually tapers off as the day flows into night. This pattern repeats every single day, with the guaranteed rising and setting of the sun. Men have a natural spark of desire every day that’s consistent, steady, always there, and ready to go with minimal prompting. It explains why a lot of men are naturally more easily turned on and why their desire doesn’t change much from day to day.
Female hormones, on the other hand, follow a lunar cycle, shifting across roughly 28 days, much like the moon itself. Estrogen, progesterone, and testosterone ebb and flow, throughout the month, creating natural waves of energy, sensitivity, and desire - each phase inviting a different expression of pleasure and connection.
The first quarter moon mirrors the rising sun - that fresh, expansive energy of morning. It’s a time of blossoming, exploring, and feeling the first sparks of desire awaken after a period of deep rest and renewal.
As the moon waxes toward fullness, we reach a peak - bright, bold, and fully expressed, like the midday sun hanging high in the sky. Energy is vibrant, confident, radiant, and desire often turns outward - seeking play, intimacy, and creative expression.
Then, with the waning moon, we shift into the gentle descent of the afternoon and evening - energy softens, the body turns inward, and desire becomes less fiery and more tender, more nourishing than consuming. This is often a time when emotional intimacy and slowness become the portals to pleasure.
Finally, under the new moon, we reach the darkness of night, where energy is at its most internal. This is the sacred pause, the moment for deep rest, reflection, and tending to the self. Desire may quiet, or it may turn toward self-pleasure, ritual, or release.
Where a woman’s cycle and hormonal shifts unfold over the span of an entire month, a man’s hormonal cycle resets every day, following the rhythm of the sun.
Having said all this, it’s important to remember that hormones - and the rhythms they create - are influenced by far more than biological sex or reproductive anatomy. Sleep quality, stress levels, diet, underlying health conditions, and even exposure to natural versus artificial light all shape our inner cycles. When we push against these natural rhythms - overriding rest, living in chronic stress, or working night shifts - we disrupt these delicate cycles, often leaving us disconnected from desire, energy, and pleasure.
For those using hormone blockers or undergoing hormone replacement therapy (HRT), hormonal patterns - and therefore desires and energy - may shift. Not everyone produces the same levels of testosterone or estrogen either, which means alignment with solar or lunar cycles may feel less defined - and that’s perfectly normal.
This is why honouring your own rhythm, rather than trying to fit into a fixed model, is so important. Whether you experience natural hormonal shifts, use hormone blockers, or receive HRT, your body holds its own wisdom. Learning to listen to its subtle shifts offers powerful insights into how desire, energy, and pleasure flow uniquely for you.
Understanding which rhythms resonate with you - whether solar, lunar, or something uniquely yours - allows for deeper self-connection and pleasure. Because the truth is, our desire and pleasure are not one-size-fits-all. We are cyclical beings, moving through rhythms unique to our bodies, and honouring these natural flows unlocks the potential for deeper connection and satisfaction - both within ourselves and in our relationships.
That’s why I created Cycles of Sexuality - a 4-week live online immersion dedicated to exploring the lunar cycle and its profound connection to female hormones and feminine pleasure and desire. Together, we’ll journey through the seasons of pleasure, the outer seasons, the life phases, and the archetypal energies that shape our sexual experiences, so you can get a holistic look at how to honour your natural cycles.
This course is for all individuals who resonate with womanhood and wish to align with feminine cyclical wisdom. It welcomes cis women, trans women, non-binary folks, and those who are menstruating, post-menopausal, or have experienced a hysterectomy.
If you're ready to reclaim the wisdom of your body and harness the power of your cycles, join me on this transformative journey. The course begins tomorrow Tuesday, March 4th.
Sign up now and step into your full potential with Cycles of Sexuality
With love and pleasure,
Bryony x
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