The Elephant in the Room
And a silence so deafening it roars
I know I said I would only post to my free subscribers once a month, but this is important and it’s something that’s been on my heart for a little while.
I am ovulating and the productive and creative juices are flowing!
And, given it’s pride month, I figure now is the perfect time to share it.
Transwomen, transmen, gender fluid and non-binary people are NOT sick.
They do NOT need to be admitted to a mental asylum.
The are NOT a threat to society.
And they are NOT trying to turn everyone away from the gender they were assigned at birth.
They simply wish to exist.
To be seen.
To be accepted.
TO BE LOVED.
Now, I am the first to admit that I love a good conspiracy theory. Let’s face it, some of them aren’t even theories any more they are truth. I also don’t trust the government. And that can lump me into the right wing activists pile.
But I am not a right wing activist.
I don’t really consider myself anywhere on the scale of lefties vs righties.
Maybe you could think of me as Switzerland.
Neutral. Diplomatic.
Able to look at both sides with love and compassion.
Through Covid, I found myself allies with a lot of people who were considered right wing. They hated the government and considered everything to be an attack on human rights. Conspiracies ran riot, and I’m not gonna lie, I believed a lot of them. Living in a world where we have access to so much information - a blessing and a curse - it can become hard to decipher what is reality and what is not. I truly believed for a while there, that everything happening in the world was an attempt to erase men and women from the planet. Their physical existence and their primal intelligence. And who knows, maybe there is some truth somewhere, but, the elites, the reptilians, they used it to make us fight against one another.
They created conflict where there needn’t be any.
And who did it affect the most?
The queer community.
Fellow human’s.
Brother’s and sister’s.
They made us think that trans people and gender diverse folk were the enemy. That they were the problem. That they were behind all the hidden agendas. But they are simply human’s who’s only wish is to be loved and accepted.
Through my study in sacred sexuality and somatic sex coaching I have learnt a lot about gender and sex and I’m always open to learning more, hearing more stories from gender-diverse beings and understanding them on a deeper level. But really, all it took for me to get a deeper understanding was to drop into my heart.
I watched an incredibly moving discussion between my mentor Kiki Marie and Jamie Lee Willoughby, and my heart bled. Bled for all the transwomen and men and non-binary people who just want to be seen. Who long for a time when they don’t have to fear going to the toilet, or walking down the street late at night alone. They don’t want you to change. They just want to exist along side you. Not as someone lesser than, but as an equal.
Trans people have existed for as long as we can remember. The first documented sex reassignment surgery happened in 1930 and people have been buying hormones on the black market for many decades, since at least the 1950’s and potentially even earlier. But even though sex reassignment surgery and hormone replacement therapy is relatively new due to advancements in medicine and technology, people dressing as the opposite sex is dated way back to as early as 3000BC and likely practiced even earlier without written documentation.
The queer community is not new. It’s not woke. It’s always been.
In ancient times, non-binary people were known as the seers, the healers, the wise ones of the tribe whom everyone would look to for their insight and deep inner knowing. They embodied both masculine and feminine traits and fell outside of the male/female binary being able to bridge the gap between genders. They were an integral part of their community, considered sacred - honoured and revered for their gifts.
Gender fluidity isn’t modern - our awareness and language for it may be, but the lived experience of fluid or non-binary gender expression has always been part of the human story.
The strict male/female binary and the medicalised, rigid ideas about sex and gender identity are largely Western colonial constructs that became dominant during the 18th-20th centuries. Many indigenous cultures were forced to suppress or erase gender-diverse identities through colonisation, religious conversion, and legal systems.
It wasn’t that they didn’t exist, we suppressed their right to being.
One of my most favourite humans in the entire world is non-binary. I am deeply honoured to call them my friend and mentor. Someone I look to for guidance, support, and healing. They are an incredible being, and that is enough for me to love them and accept them.
I am also very blessed to know a transwoman, who, if it weren’t for gender affirming care and hormone replacement therapy, probably wouldn’t exist today.
Gender affirming care says:
“I see you”.
“You matter”.
“You are valued”.
“You are allowed to exist”.
I have a client with a trans child. And no they haven’t been pushed into taking hormones and getting ready for sex reassignment surgery all before they even reach puberty. They are simply given gender affirming care which looks like allowing them to dress in whatever clothes they like and being referred to by the pronouns they believe best describes their identity - beyond their physical appearance and the sex they were assigned at birth.
People get very upset about trans people in sport, especially transwomen. But it’s not as simple as a man deciding to identify as a woman and he can all of a sudden partake in female sports. There is a whole heap of rigorous testing done to evaluate the amount of testosterone in their blood. They need to be on hormone blockers for a period of time and doing hormone replacement therapy in order to qualify. Even then, their physical appearance and whether they transitioned pre or post puberty is all taken into account.
There’s no plot, no agenda, they simply want to be welcomed and accepted.
As a cis-woman in a monogamous heterosexual relationship with a cis-man, much of my work is grounded in that lived experience. I often work with people navigating similar dynamics, because I am teaching and guiding from a place of embodied experience.
And while I am committed to creating inclusive and affirming spaces, I don’t position myself as an expert in supporting trans, non-binary, or gender fluid folks around their sexuality or relationships, simply because it’s not my lived experience.
But that does not mean you are not welcome here. That I don’t see you. That I don’t accept you.
Many transwomen and non-binary people born into a female body may still resonant with my work, particularly that which connects with the divine feminine, cyclical wisdom, or somatic practices. And some of my work they may not resonate with at all. And that is ok. But, I am always open to having a conversation to see if I am the right fit - and if not, I can refer you to someone who might be better suited.
Because we need more inclusive spaces. We need more safe spaces. We all deserve to feel seen, supported, and empowered on our sexual healing journey.
We need to put an end to the hate and the snide remarks.
I see so many hateful comments on social media of people saying trans people should be institutionalised. NO, they shouldn’t. They just need love, acceptance, affirming care, and safe spaces to exist.
Yes, only people with wombs have the capacity to grow and carry life - but not all people with wombs identify as women. And while we often associate the terms “mum” and “dad” with gender, their roots are actually in early childhood language. “Ma” and “da” are some of the first sounds babies make, and over time those sounds became our go-to words for caregivers - not necessarily because of gender, but as a means of connection.
No one is trying to erase your experience of identifying as a man or woman in alignment with the sex you were assigned at birth. I, for one, feel content and grounded in my female form and in being called a woman - and I don’t want those terms to be lost. But it’s also okay if others feel differently. Their truth doesn’t erase mine; it simply affirms their own.
You may not understand it, but you don’t have to. The beauty of being human is that there is a lot we don’t understand. It doesn’t mean something isn’t true.
We need to stop the violence and abuse.
In 2023, at least 320 transgender and gender-diverse individuals were reported murdered globally, with 94% of victims being trans women.
This breaks my heart.
All beings, regardless of gender and identity, deserve respect and love. The only way we help heal the world and the collective consciousness is through love and compassion.
So, if any of this has activated you, if you still believe it’s all just about global conditioning, I invite you to come back into your heart space. Get to know a gender-diverse being. Learn their story, open your heart, and you will see they are just like you - a human being who simply wants to be loved and accepted for simply existing.
From my heart to yours,
Bryony x