Turned On By Life

The power of presence

The school holidays have been chaos. My in-laws are staying, the kids are only going back to school today, and my husband’s been working with his dad non-stop on house projects. There’s been no space for us as a couple, and I’ve felt it. You know that disconnection that creeps in when everything else gets in the way? Yep, that’s where I was.

And you know what - it’s been affecting my sensuality and my sexual desire.

There’s only been a handful of days I felt “turned on”. And truthfully, they were when I was ovulating.

Life wasn’t turning me on. I wasn’t turning me on.

I’ve felt so disconnected from myself and the world around me, just trying to get through these holidays. As I type the words, I know how terrible that sounds, but it’s my naked truth right now.

Holidays should be the perfect time for presence. But with the chaos around me, I found it so hard to grab hold of those precious moments. Instead, I felt like I was clinging to the last of my sanity. Not sexy at all.

While I have made sure to have little pockets of me time - which have definitely helped me be more in my body - my overstimulated mind is CRAVING structure and routine.

I want a decent dinner time, bedtime and some structure to my day. I need it.

With a creative mind comes endless mind chatter - ideas constantly sparking, thoughts bouncing in every direction, and a never-ending stream of “what’s next?” running in the background. It’s exhilarating, but when life is already full to the brim, it can feel like I’m drowning in the noise instead of being fueled by it.

Right now, my mind is desperate for stillness, for rhythm, for something to ground me. Structure isn’t about restriction - it’s about creating space. Space to breathe, to feel, to reconnect. To shift from just getting through the days to actually being in them.

Because when my world feels chaotic, my body feels it too. My pleasure, my sensuality, my connection - it all thrives in presence, not in the constant hustle of trying to keep up. So as the holidays wind down, I’m leaning into that.

But how did I try and find presence in the chaos of the holidays I hear you ask?

This year, I set an intention to spend more quality time with my husband - more dates, more moments just for us. And after weeks of feeling stretched thin, we finally carved out a night: dinner for two and a walk in the botanical gardens. Our first date of the new year.

We sat there over cocktails, chatting and laughing like we used to before we had Kaden - back when spontaneous date nights weren’t a rare luxury - and it hit me how much I’d missed this. The ease, the playfulness, the flirting, it was so refreshing.

As we wandered through the gardens, I pointed out all the little spots I used to visit as a child with my siblings. I felt lighter, softer, and so much more connected to him than I had in weeks. But do you want to know the best part? That energy didn’t just stay with us in that moment - it followed us home. Our intimacy that night felt different: playful, curious, almost like we were back in that delicious honeymoon phase, where every touch and glance felt new again.

It was such a beautiful reminder of how powerful presence is. When you really slow down, when you let go of the distractions and fully show up, everything shifts - conversations feel deeper, connection feels more intimate, and pleasure becomes you.

In Tantra, presence is at the heart of everything. It’s what transforms the mundane into the magical, what turns routine moments into something sacred. When you’re truly present - whether with yourself or a partner - you create this incredible space where intimacy can deepen and unfold naturally. There’s no pressure, no expectations, just pure connection, moment by moment.

So this week, I invite you to practice presence in the simplest way, because it doesn’t have to be perfect and you don’t have to leave the house with no children to do it.

I try and do this little practice as often as I can - just by myself - slowing down, tuning in, listening to the subtleties around me. My sense of sound is the one I give the least attention to, as I'm often tuning all the noise out. But when I stop and intentionally listen - to the birds, the hum of traffic, the wind rustling in the leaves - that turns me on in life!

So I invite you to try this. Turn off the TV, put down your phone, and let go of the mental to-do list. Tune into the sensations, the sounds, or the energy of the person in front of you - or just your own energy. Because when you allow yourself to be in the moment, that’s where the real magic happens.

Quick Practice: Mindful Breathing for Presence
If you’re not sure where to start, try this:

1. Find a quiet space.

2. Close your eyes and take a deep breath in through your nose. Let it out slowly through your mouth.

3. Keep focusing on your breath - how it feels as it moves in and out of your body. Notice the coolness of the air on your nose as you inhale, feel it travel down through your body, your belly rising - pause - then feel your belly fall towards your back and push the breath out through your mouth. Feel the warmth of the air as it exhales.

4. When your mind wanders (because it will!), gently bring it back to your breath.

5. Notice how your energy shifts. How does your body feel? What sensations arise? Simply observe, allowing yourself to sink deeper into this moment of presence.

This simple practice helps you feel grounded and in the moment, whether you’re connecting with yourself or your partner. If you’re doing it with a partner, you may like to sit cross legged facing one another, maybe even eye gaze or hold hands - whatever feels right for you. Feel free to journal about it afterwards if that feels supportive for you.

Your Turn
When was the last time you felt fully present with yourself or your partner? What could you do this week to create more of that feeling? Which sense do you need to flex some more? Leave a comment below or journal about it.

Want to dive deeper? Here’s what I’ve got for you as a paid subscriber this week:

• A Guided Date Night Ritual to reconnect with your partner in a way that’s meaningful and playful.

• Erotic Literature: Relive the irresistible chemistry of a first date - simmering touches, unspoken desires, and a passionate car park kiss that will leave you breathless.

If you haven’t already, I highly recommend downloading the Substack app and reading these musings there instead of in your inbox. Because if you’re anything like me, emails feel like a chore. Every time I see one, I think, What are you trying to sell me now? And if I get too many from the same person in a short period of time, I start hitting unsubscribe.

I don’t want to be just another email clogging up your inbox. I want you to want to read what I write - to see a new post, make a cup of tea, get cozy, and sink into it. Maybe it sparks something in you and your life becomes more turned on. Maybe you learn a little trick that reignites the spark in your relationship. Maybe it just feels good to read something real and raw instead of mindless scrolling.

Yes, it’s another app - but it’s a soul-nourishing one. It feels like reading your favorite magazine, back when magazines were a thing. There are articles, newsletters, blog posts, musings - so much more depth than social media. And if you do love that social aspect, Substack has ‘Notes’ - kind of like tweets or captions, sometimes with photos or videos, but the writing? Oh, the writing. It’s storytelling at its best.

And the best part? No algorithm. Just follow or subscribe to who you want, and let your reading be led by curiosity, not clicks.

Thanks for being here and choosing a more heart-led life filled with pleasure, presence, and connection. I truly look forward to seeing what we can all create together as we journey into all things sacred sexuality.

With love and pleasure,

Bryony x

And don’t forget to share this with your friends! There’s incredible rewards available to those who refer, including FREE entry to a workshop of your choice!