The Seven Year Itch

On love, longevity, and the need to seek external validation.

My longest relationship lasted seven years.
The one before that? Five and a half.
And now, I find myself smack bang in the middle of them both.

I've been with my husband for just under six and a half years now.
And I can feel it sometimes - that familiar sensation.
Like the spark has gone out.
Like the chemistry that was once so undeniable is beginning to fade.

Don’t get me wrong - my husband and I have great chemistry.
We make love often.
We’re still as attracted to one another as we were when we first met -
something I didn’t have in my past two long-term relationships.

And yet...

I still sometimes sense it creeping in.
That thought I’ve had before:

Is this it?

The mundane.
The routine.
The structure.

Gone are the days of spontaneity and electric excitement.
In their place?

Stability.
Comfort.
Ease.
Repetition.

And that sometimes feels like…. boredom.

But maybe boredom isn’t a problem.
Maybe it’s an invitation.
To reinvent, to reconnect, to rediscover.

It’s been just over two weeks since we last made love.
Life has gotten in the way - work, bleeding, time apart.
Plus the usual colds, tummy aches, sore body parts that come with this time of year and, inevitably, getting older.
I think it’s the longest we’ve ever gone in our relationship without any form of intimate connection.

In the past, two weeks turned into a month.
A month turned into six weeks.
And before I knew it, lovemaking became something that happened only once in a while.

That’s how it started with my last two relationships.
The beginning of the end.

And I’m not gonna lie - there’s a small panic there.
A tightening in my chest.
A churn in my stomach.
What if this is just the same?

For me, moving beyond seven years in relationship is uncharted territory.
I’ve never stayed past the ache of uncertainty.
I’ve never lingered long enough in the stillness to see what might bloom there.

Instead, I chased the next high.
The next spark.
The next great love.
Again and again.

Why?

Because the lack of sex felt like a lack of validation.
And for someone who grew up with low self-worth, validation became the drug I craved most.